open spaces • holy places

December- the numbers are in.

2011-12-22T23:43:00.000-06:00

22 dollars worth of delicious grapefruit to kick off
Many a good December morning with vitamin c
2 bouts of pink eye
1 child recovered from flu
4 people who may have...hopefully...yes, definitely (!woo-hoo!) escaped it

1 living room turned film set with1 nativity on the mantle including
5 or so unlikely toy characters -dora, obi-wan, thor & friends- as well as the usual players and
Presents under the tree, 3/4ths of which are (temporarily) empty, to be used as props
5 stockings hanging full of plastic bags for effect
A dozen or so actors & families, half of us trying to be quiet in the basement
The other half blinded by huge lights and striving to remember lines & blocking...
Followed by a meeting of six 4H crafting girls

17 loads of laundry i should have done earlier
Less than 1 footpath leading to the wash machine
248 m&ms waiting in the snowman dish
3 or more apps that distract, I mean help, me in my productivity
1 treasured mary-on-a-donkey figure lost...somewhere around here...sigh...

29 beautiful cards & pictures received enthusiastically, sent with love & beauty
3 boxes of blank happy christmas cards sitting, waiting, hoping to darken the door of the mailbox slot but not holding their breath*
21 candles lit on our advent wreath & read with Ann's incredible Jesse tree devos
3 weeks full of this captivating, enthralling story- bartholomews passage, daily

One overworked but overjoyed-2be-in-his-element husband
Three cousins in three sleeping bags (one arm reaching onto another's shoulder)
at least 36 favorite Christmas songs
4 fun Christmasy pandora stations
17 piano students working on a handful of Christmas tunes in fine fashion---
Practicing over 3000 minutes and 100 days between them this month

3 boxes of Chex cereal hoping to grow up into Chex mix, see above*
5 cookie recipes that may or may not grace our table (but it's the thought that counts, right?)
Too many late nights to count
4 doctors visits
2 rounds of antibiotics
1 grown up ear infection

1 wonderful kids Christmas program
1 amazing new Christmas musical (Hosanna!)
2 parent nights out
At least 3 dinners made by Neva
A handful of homemade surprise crafts constructed by Lincoln
One cozy "Buzz Light-Near" footie jammy worn regularly by Rowan

Approximately one dozen cookies (we'll never know now, will we) lovingly, beautifully, moundfully frosted & decorated with enthusiasm and endless sprinkles by 2 darling children, eaten off of a
4 foot tall buffet within
5 hours of being brought home from the cookie party, by
ONE despicable old -but-she's-a-dog-can-u-blame-her DOG, who deserves the tummy ache she's hopefully experiencing...(tho i do love that doggie huge)

Between 51 and 89 individual strands of tinsel, placed and glued by hand, yes by hand, in a delicate pattern to create
a tiny 2-inch star by aforementioned (extremely-detail-oriented) husband-in-element

About 39, or maybe closer to 112 pieces of silver wrapping paper, cut, placed and glued by hand to make
a giant 2-foot version of the above, by (mostly) graciously agreeable & endearing wife of previously mentioned amazing-man.

Countless lists, wishes, expectations, hopes... & dreams for love, joy, peace and hope for all....

listening

2011-10-11T08:07:00.001-05:00

sometimes - i love the silencesometimes - i am rushing through my day, at some pointbecoming aware it's almost like i'mholdingmybreath-anticipating, hurryingexpecting, scurryinghead flying, body trying, heart racingheart-forgettingthenin the early morningsilencejust listeningheart beatingsoul searchingbreathing deeplymind reflectinghearing...hopebreathlifegrace spacewhile they sleepthere's peacebut let this peace, pieceof God who is Loverunning deeper than my despairwider than my expectationshigher than my hopesfill my heartwith healing to shareeach stepeach wordeach minute stepping into momentsremembering the fullnessof silencespillingfillinghopebreathgraceinto my emptiesinto my heart-life-spacedo you hear it?the soundoflovepromisedlongago

2011-08-31T23:59:00.000-05:00

Fly away, fly away over the sea,

Sun-loving swallow, for summer is done;

Come again, come again, come back to me,

Bringing the summer and bringing the sun.

--Christina Rossetti

birthday memories

2011-08-16T23:05:00.006-05:00

30 years ago i was a little girl...
(listen in your itunes store if you can...good stuff)

37 years ago i was a newborn-on-my-mom's-birthday, arriving one month early (after mom's request of Hungarian goulash dinner the night before, and interrupting dad's tennis match that morning) and weighing in at 4 pounds, 15 ounces. i was born while my parents were temporarily living with my grandparents, in the little illinois town where they and their many siblings grew up. first grandchild on both sides: the oldest of the oldest (dad) of the oldest (grandma). my many aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpas celebrated with a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake. i must say i have sure gotten a lot of ice cream and a lot of love from these people over my 37 years...

10th? birthday party with friends on the back screened-in porch on sherman avenue house in wisconsin

many birthdays shared while still on summer vacation--lots of cakes and songs shared with mom and sometimes paulie

13th birthday slumber party with neon-colored hairspray paint, and a third, much sought-after ear piercing for me, in minnesota

16th birthday - a special ring from my parents, a license to drive without nearly the stress (and failure!) of the test i figured was inevitable

20th birthday - just before moving to denmark for the semester...and the last one i would share with mom

21st birthday - celebrated while working at camp...the first one i would share with my soulmate

23rd - first birthday with a new name, and life as a wife!

25th - transition birthday, moving from WI to KS, stopping at MN ren fest on the way ...beautiful green gift from todd

27th birthday - first birthday as a mama

surprise chocolate vegan cake birthday

birthdays at the farm, mexican party for half-century matriarchal mentor

sharing -16- with 3 aunts, 2 cousins, several friends, and one--almost two--sons

sharing august with my brother, lots of cousins, aunts, several grand-relatives and new friends

birthday at a wedding of two delightful cousins

sharing summer birthdays with lots of mama friends

tie-dye birthday party

fantastic art out of initials and names, thoughtfully drawn on card envelopes by my favorite man

angelfood cake traditions

sweet husband who insists upon making my dessert of choice (to the T, as any engineer worth his stuff would do) for however long it may take to bake after kid bedtime, several years running now [this year is amaretto cheesecake, ahhh....]

djembe birthday hide-and-seek!

just having the peaceful chance today to count my blessings and gaze into 4 sets of beautiful eyes around the lunch table of love

inhaling chips & salsa, corn dogs, french fries, burritos & tacos all while discussing favorite Sesame Street characters and their various degrees of monster-ness with cheesecake engineer and three darlings who did not exist except in twinkles-of-the-eye a dozen years ago, over supper tonight.

destination

2011-07-14T23:41:00.001-05:00

dariya's home! i can't believe it. in less time but probably more heart/head/household wrapping-around-the-world of this concept, this knowledge, of this sweet little girl waiting for a forever family in Ukraine...she's here!

in this season of life, of motherhood...it seems everything is a process never to be fully finished. as a wise woman once said "mess it up & clean it up, mess it up & clean it up" -dishes, laundry, baths, dusting, wiping, striving, hoping, taking-a-toning, regretting, trying again-ing...a mama's work is never done (nor a daddy's!). i do love the emphasis, in just about every aspect of life, on the value of the process verses perfection in a finshed product. however, can a girl just get a sense of completion once in a while?!!

i was thinking of posting some pictures of the chair i reupholstered recently. it was a fun project, taking, oh, 12 times longer than my optimistic self envisioned at first--that should not have been a shocker to me but it always is. but i love a little staple-gun creativity once in a while. and it is almost (except for 2 small rows of nailheads) completely finished. so it is really neat to see it in the living room and remember when it was pink and now it is a cool sage paisley design and i love it. but the completion of my project pales in comparison to the completion of my mama-friend Rochelle's heart's hope since...(safe to say) long ago.

it has been such a joy to watch and be part of the process with these dear friends of ours, from the talk she and i had at a Christmas party about it being a far-off-mostly-likely-unlikely scenario for their family, to hearing that they were going forward with every effort to adopt Dariya, to the huge list of paperwork and expenses necessary, the extraordinary silent auction extravaganza bringing them to $7 beyond the total needed, to hugging them goodbye on a Monday night after piano lessons, to reading her blog for 5 weeks for ukraine updates, to talking to the Grandparents extraordinaire, to watching R&J walk off the plane and hug ALL THREE of their children last night. oh... my heart. was. full.

so there is much that has been prayed about, worked on, prayed over some more, sweat about, lifted up, to bring their family to this week. but of course, it's really just another big messy beautiful beginning. joy in the unknown. peace despite uncertainty. and God's great love at the center, at the core.

welcome home, dariya! we are excited to walk with you and your family into the coming years of learning, growing, and knowing more and more deeply that you. are. loved.

(for a quick video from the news station, click here!)
and if you would like to keep up on this adventure of love, here's rochelle's blog!

they still will hold my hand

2011-06-28T16:28:00.001-05:00

ah, motherhood-
the years fly by
and the days can last forever

but they don't.
they won't.

the endless surprises
long eyelashes
gorgeous giggles
unsuspecting songs sung
sight of them sleeping
aches my heart huge in good.

then there's the less beautiful
sick in the night
siblings who fight
hard questions
stubborn hearts
sadness and madness
ugly of me that shows plain & big
-faults all right here on display.

but they still will hold my hand
grabbed absentmindedly, as if it's the
most natural thing
in
the
world
(which it is.)

they still
crawl into my lap
want to tell me
tell me
i want to know
-let me seek them,
their hearts, words
their thoughts, fears
their hopes, tears

watching the intensity of creating yet another something
of playdough, of yarn, of forts in the yard
oh, all that's wrapped up in those big serious eyes
i can only pray...

whether i am in the next room or
across the globe
let them know
they can grow
but in my
love
found in
this love
God's love
best love
they'll always find

a home.

ocean-spanning-hugs!!!

2011-06-14T23:51:00.003-05:00

Breathless, speechless, priceless times are being had across the ocean, with loads of love overflowing from lots of us here-- you simply must see pictures of sweet Dariya --her first sight and delight with her PARENTS!!!

We bought haircuts for Neva and me at Dariya's auction about a month ago, where just a few dollars more than what they needed to have complete funding was raised! It was a little nutty, since the haircut place was the complete opposite direction of the camp the big kids have been going to, but we ended up needing to schedule both cuts today, but NOT at the same time.

So...in the very VERY brief open space between 2 trips to the western chunk of our spot in the metro for daycamp, 2 trips to the southeast chunk for hair (coming within half a mile of running out of gas, of course), one music meeting, one quiznos-anniversary lunch, and a li'l catnap... I checked on Rochelle's blog and WHOA!!! there she was! Finally they get to hold their precious, long-awaited, deeply loved little darling! So it was really neat to go back to the stylist and tell her that TODAY was the day they met the little girl she helped bring home!

It has been such an honor to witness this amazing journey our friends are on, and we cannot wait to meet and hug dear sweet Dariya ourselves!

--my previous post is now a real post, if by chance you saw it when it was, um, not really a post... ;) thanks for reading!!

hold on

2011-05-31T23:19:00.006-05:00

maybe-may-was-a-dream-a-wish-a-whisper?!!?
here's to a little open space to...

organize your noodles

hug a little harder

live under the embrace of grace

light a candle

find a little surprising-something

lift my eyes to the skies

devour a cupcake for Dariya!

jump a little farther

climb a bit higher (maybe the tree's not as high as you think)

take a longer walk

sigh with delight at the sight of something old, someone young

smile on a bale

run a little faster

join hands & jump

laugh a little louder

mow a little longer

and sleep a little sooner

thankful for crossing the threshold of #425 on a thursday

open spaces in the desert

2011-03-31T23:03:00.005-05:00

a few highlights of the open space of a southwest vacation: over hill & dale, valley & mountain, cactus & hot tub, cats & dogs, guitars & didgeridoos, cousins, aunts & uncles, grandparents too....

our li'l airport parade
--it bears mentioning that the toddler was safely tied
to moi whenever we were on the move,
and please note there's not ONE piece of checked luggage: woo-hoo!


boys in the desert

cuteness wrapped up in a cousin!

peace in the valley


visiting the musical instrument museum!

...listening around the world...

new ways to see, hear & play

even a display for the ever-evasive...air guitar


small guy - big drum

the magnificent octophone!

grandparent joy and sleeping boy

movin' on

perspective...

Cannons are exploding with LOVE!

2011-02-28T06:23:00.013-06:00

Our family first learned about Reece's Rainbow last fall, and our hearts are broken for these dear sweet babies and young children waiting for forever families, but in danger of living their entire lives in an institution just because they were born with an extra chromosome, or a unique set of physical or mental challenges.... My kids have been praying for the kids on Reece's Rainbow, and for the families who are adopting kids. Not everyone is in a position to adopt, but everyone can give up a prayer or a word of encouragement, a latte or new pair of shoes--and send the funds to these precious ones. Because RR has become a household word to us, since finding out that our dear friends are going to adopt little Dariya...she is now a serious celebrity in our home, one that we are soooooo super-excited that we get to actually meet and hug!

But the life she and so many other kiddos have been living is SO far from what we who live here in the middle of this wealthy county in the middle of this wealthy country, would envision for anyone.

These wonderful friends of ours, together with this incredible organization (just wander around on their website or blog for a bit...you'll be changed), are moving mountains so that the words home and family are not just something they hear about, wonder about, have no concept of...but something they know by heart.

Please visit the Cannon family blog IPAD (and more!) GIVEAWAY! this week--today, and share what you can--forgo something you know you won't even miss in a week or a month, and you won't miss an opportunity to give love and life and hope and a whole family to this darling little girl...

in honor of Dariya and her family--

291. toddler-composer playing piano in dino jammies
292. little two-year-old hands taking hold of my face so tenderly to speak so seriously
293. looking out the window to see my three babies sitting in the porch swing
294. a little bit of licorice
295. sunday-sabbath-deep-breath reminder that life is not an emergency to race to
296. the way she bubbles over with joy during gerbil advocacy presentation ;)
297. a new dark new early monday, full of hope and possibility
298. fresh paint, fresh projects
299. dismantling an old chair for new fabric
300. our turn on the timeline
301. against the odds, against the grain, against a backdrop of hope, faith and love: a home for Dariya

T&A

2011-02-24T16:24:00.010-06:00

Andy was the kind of guy whose presence in a room made everybody think more, laugh more, feel more at ease. The kind of guy gifted with words, gifted with guitars of every kind and also harmonicas, and (have I mentioned?) humor. He had a great smile and an encouraging, strong, yet goofy way about him. He also had a beautiful daughter, delightful son, and an incredible wife.

He called our house on a Wednesday a few days before he died, to see if he could come over to make garlic bread to bring on his way to church (meeting at a school) that night--of course I said yes--any chance to chat with Andy was a chance to lighten and brighten your day. Of course I didn't know that he would scorch my floral oven mitt or smoke up my kitchen. Of course I didn't know that this living-laughing memory of him in my home would be the last of its kind. Of course I couldn't know the heartbreak that lay nearby for his sweet family and our little community church family.

He's been gone for 5 years today. What I know now is there's been and will forever be a gaping hole in my favorite home in the Black Swan neighborhood. But in spite of the ache and the break, in the midst of it, my dear friend Thelma has given, and continues to give her children such love, presence, validation of pain and anger... and also reasons for joy.

Here's to you, Thelie! And the amazing love-of-Andy that lives on in you and your bass-playin' girl, and your egg-shakin' boy...and the rest of us whose lives were made better by knowing him.

thirty-one

2011-01-31T22:28:00.008-06:00

sixteen years ago today, my heart was ripped open wide.
the news
that i would not see
my mama
again

ripped wide open
my heart...
my hurt.

the mom that shared
love
of

music
dessert
laughter
rollerblades
creativity
did-i-mention dessert
hugs
hope
rocking chair comfort
joy of living
honest conversation
being ok with being a little nutty
permission to yell my
frustration-filled head off
until communal laughter
took the edge off
i-think-i-may-have-mentioned dessert
voices lifted in song
harmony
love of life
God of hope

the mom that shared
love
of
me
just
being
me

was gone.

thirty-one. a number etched in ache on my twenty-year-old heart then, and on my thirty-four-year-old heart now, and etched, simply... forever.

hearts heal... time--i wouldn't say time does the healing. time is a warp, with grief. some days in the soon-aftermath pass like years, and some seem just nanoseconds: "but i JUST saw her--she. was. JUST here..." God does the healing. and for those who don't know God, i don't know...

then sometime in the sixteen-years-aftermath of foggy memories and forgotten voices,
a moment so crisply, clearly resonates with her love, her smile, her vibrance for life that it
takes
your
breath away
as you behold

the one who calls you
mama.

• • •

i am thankful for.... (#199-211)

twenty years (a whole-child-lifetime!) with one wonderful mama

sharing a birthday on the sixteenth day of the eighth month, with her

the year of the horrible heartbreak; the year of the incredible love story beginning: same year

fourteen years on the fourteenth day of the sixth month with soulmate-of-mine, celebrating soon

three treasures that call me mama

countless embraces, encouragements, shoulders-for-tears, hearts shared, love offered

invincible summer in the midst of winter

the kind of amazing hope that only God can grow, resurrect

privilege of sharing the sixteenth day-of-candles with my sweet six-year-old son
and almost sharing it with my (seventeenth day) sweet youngest dear one

the fact that sixty-five years ago today, on day thirty-one...

a baby boy was born, who would grow up and have a baby boy, who would grow up to be the man with whom i would have not one but two baby boys to cherish and delight in, along with their sister, in the glorious messy gift of family in all its honest forms, giving one of many million surprise

reasons to celebrate a birth, life day in the midst of a death day...

and

31 flavors

yes, it is....a good. night.

friend of a friend

2011-01-22T00:12:00.014-06:00

this month i learned of another mama (a good friend of a good friend) who is now facing raising her children without her husband ...the birthday parties, skinned knees, baseball games, piano recitals, christmas mornings, graduations, and simple dinner table conversations will no longer be had as she and he had planned, hoped, dreamed, and lived-- up until tragedy struck. this is unwelcome growth to my list of families we know of, either first hand, or as a friend of a friend, who've said a lifetime of goodbyes to their daddies before they've started kindergarten.

four very special families we know well -- and four more precious ones who are simply dear to someone dear to me. isn't that always the way? that tragedy, if not in our immediate field of view, is always striking for a friend of a friend of a friend somewhere, someplace near or not too far.

• • •

i can definitely fit the bill of debbie downer (you have company here jeanna! :)) --from bringing any festive occasion to the dreadful thought of "think of all the plastic we just used!" to the topic of the 147 million orphans in the world suffering right. now. but they are! and we (i know i do) get so quick to forget about the suffering of others in our quest for the break/pampering/quiet/reprieve we think we need from our american-dream-reality.

however, i do know first hand the depth of a heart that's broken from loss. saying goodbye to someone loved well, no matter how/when/why/where is NEVER easy. i have so much story to tell here, or there, or somewhere, if only for my children's sake...but for now, in the midst of mothering, and the distress and disgust and distrust of moments of what feels ugly to me as a mother, when i can't find the gumption to be kind, patient, or carve out a small space to tell my story... i have found great comfort, encouragement, raw-real-heart-hurt and huge open spaces of faith, grace, and gratitude in ann voskamp's blog. i am thrilled to be holding her book in my hand: one thousand gifts.

ann has artfully woven with words (as only ann can do) her incredible story of an ordinary-yet-extraordinary mom in the trenches of laundry and love...beginning with a grief, the huge kind, full of brokenness and destruction and death and lost-ness. and continuing, growing, grieving, stretching, grateful...
gratefully yearning for, finally grasping....hope.

beautiful blog
one march
a friend of a friend
shared hope
mama-hope
in school of laundry
babies & big kids
learning, yearning
in the yuck
and muck
of the daily dirty
yet holy
work.

week after week
month after month
year after year
reading
pondering
my own struggles
failings, flail-ing
mess that is so often
my house
my heart
me...and my
wishings
washing clothes
wondering thoughts
wandering words
knowing hope
a little closer
a little stronger

time and again
she hits
a
nerve

all to give, grow
gentle
grace
gratitude

she's a stranger
yet the nearness
of the art
of her words
speaks

light.

pages
for-real pages
ordered in september
anticipated all autumn
blooming
in
january...

joy comes
in
the
morning.

thank you, ann!

memory muscle!

2011-01-10T08:27:00.003-06:00

A brain is a powerful thing. It never ceases to amaze me how mine can feel like a block of swiss cheese...AND how it can learn, retain, grow, expand and come out feeling a little smarter! I talk about training the brain, and specifically developing our memory muscle, with my piano kids in simply music. We sometimes learn cool tunes, bit by bit, without anything written down about them, training our brains to remember stuff previously thought to be impossible or at least overwhelming.

Memorizing Bible verses has long been a passion of mine, from the ones I learned as a kid, to the ones I taught as a camp counselor, to composing funky rhythm and jive to scripture for the kids at church, and wanting it as part of the weekly routine in our homeschool. There are so many wonderful ways to go about it. This year our family has decided to work together on a Bible Memory project, as found at one of my favorite blog-homes, aholyexperience. Ann has put together a beautiful booklet for memorizing Colossians in one year. The whole book! I have never even remotely attempted a whole book, and what a wonderful place to begin. I like the idea of memorizing lots of verses in context, as in more of a conversational/relational way instead of just bullet points, but just have never done it.

Here's the link for this special project: Colossians in a year...

What we think about often speaks most clearly of who we are, how we live, what we love most. As in memorizing a fantastic poem or a snazzy tune, the gift of a word of encouragement tucked into head and heart is a treasure that can't be taken away. And the treasure of the word of God, word of Love, word of Hope...is unparalleled. From a God who is alive, a Love who is alive, a hope that is alive, comes a Word that is alive.

Our family just started yesterday! It's not too late! It took me about 30 minutes to print everything out and cut it up...and a suprising delight was that I had a moleskin journal just the right size, ready and waiting by our kitchen table, from my hopes to have our family read a Word of encouragement, Bread of Life, when we have bread for our bellies. This is a beautiful heart-habit in the Voskamp family... Mine has yet to make it a reality, but--baby steps, baby steps.

For now, we rest on and lean into...grace and peace.

Go for it with us!

under the wire

2010-11-30T23:26:00.004-06:00

why must a monthly post be SO hard a goal to reach? ~sigh~

even so, i'm...

thankful for
SO MUCH.

16 more toward 1000... #231-246

prayer
communion
tree stump picnic table & chairs
baskin robbins
sweet potato rolls
sweet cousin interaction
1st official kids table
boy cousins cutting out miniscule paper numbers with intense intricacy
grace
being outside in late november
cinnamon rolls that remind us of a grandma's love even if she's never met the grandbabies
10 amazing accompanists under the age of 10
art blog inspiration
18 rollerskating feet
2 vacuums, 2 mowers, 2 toddlers that play well
morning by morning new mercies i see

our project

2010-10-28T14:27:00.004-05:00

i have always enjoyed playing around with words, and here with a wordle the fun just never stops... here are just 2 of the ones I made with the "stats" from Neva's project in June. we continue to be so grateful to all of you who have helped us over the past 10 months, praying, giving, offering talents/sweat/technical expertise, auction items or willingness to shop at the auction! it is just the tip of the iceberg of what we all can to do help children across the world or across the neigborhood.

you'll have to double click on them to really read it :) thanks for visiting!

good morning

2010-09-11T08:43:00.014-05:00

i like to blog. i like to travel. and i like to think about, pray about, and help our (two, hopefully soon to be three) sponsored children across the world.

i do all of these things FAR less than my heart would like, especially the last one.

this is a beautiful post about one of my favorite web-writers, ann voskamp, who has been in guatemala this weekend. she got to embrace sweet xiomara who has been loved long from afar. and xiomara and ann read together the very same story from the jesus storybook bible that my three children and i happened to read this week too. beautiful.

and then ann wrote this morning on (in)courage, about the seeds of hope that grew huge for three young men living in the midst of the depths of little-question that there would be gangs, drugs, devastation, little-hope for future. huge-hope, earth-quaking, chain-breaking hope.
(and i got to be the first comment!)

• • •
living compassion. out loud.
...crank up the volume on my voice, God, that i might sing just a little louder of your Love song...

charlotte! rocks! & poetry too!

2010-08-09T06:16:00.053-05:00

a new school year is here! imagine the possibilities....

i wonder what incredible treasures are waiting for us just underneath an ordinary day...

we are looking forward to starting 4th and 1st grades this fall. i can hardly believe it! amblesideonline has been a fantastic source for charlotte mason's great philosophies and practical wisdom and resources from moms who have schooled their children this way for years. we found it over a year ago and boy am i thankful. my kids so love the stories, and i love the emphasis on nature, and learning about the trees, birds, and flowers that surround us, not to mention the practically-unending list of fabulous literature in every subject. having a focus on a famous composer and famous artist is a blast! and i am so grateful for their amazing (and free!) lists of classic poems that are in public domain. not to mention the accessibility to charlotte's beyond-her-time ideas as she herself expressed them over 100 years ago! education is an atmosphere, education is a discipline, and education is a (way of living) life! STILL so true, charlotte!

i would be remiss if i did not mention the blog that has hugely inspired my heart the last 16 months or so (which you've seen if you've looked at many of my posts) aholyexperience.com by ann voskamp: about farming, faith, motherhood, homeschooling, laundry & life.

i also found this gem at some point in the last year, for a multitude of truly fantastic art project ideas (for home & regular classroom) from art teacher kathy barbro. we've also been working on our daily habits/initiative each morning: devotions, helping self to breakfast & clean up, getting dressed, brushing teeth, putting away laundry, etc. continuing with times tables in math-u-see, but soon to move on to teaching textbooks for math for our 4th grader. we are using handwriting without tears as well as copying poetry, literature, song & scripture exerpts, and writing (snailmail!) letters and cards for handwriting practice. (i do make my kids use proper capitalization & punctuation, even tho i don't often take advantage of it myself... :))

and this book is a huge inspiration for parenting strategies: laying down the rails. it's a compilation from sonya of simplycharlottemason.com of charlotte's ideas on parenting. it is a more thorough book than i've seen on a pretty comprehensive list of character traits we hope to instill in our kids, AND practical ideas to make it happen! the title is taken from her description of parenting as the opportunity of "laying down the rails" for our children's habits in life in all areas, whether we realize it or not. the things we do and say with them each day, and how we do and say those things are, each moment, laying down a track that their future behavior will rest on. not that we are determining the specifics of a robotic-obedience to some certain lifestyle, but simply that wherever they go, whatever they do as an adult, the backbone of their attitude, perspective, coping skills for conflict and struggle in life, ability to take initiative, and have self-discipline in the defining (or just daily) moments of life, is GREATLY impacted by the choices we make (whether we realize it or not, whether we are intentionally strategizing or not) as we guide them each day in the minutia of daily life, will be an incredible impact on them, for better or worse.

this book (and my thoughts about it) do not speak merely to the homeschooling parent, but to anyone who takes seriously the weight of the role they have as mama or dad, in helping equip our kids to have a thoughtful, purposeful, impactful life of deep joy and gratitude, regardless of the circumstances they'll find themselves in.

of course i know there are NO parenting guarantees, no sure-fire ways to make sure your kid "turns out right," and that even if a person does everything possible in a wise way while raising their children, there will still be incredible challenges/obstacles/trials awaiting our kids. that's just life. aside from the wisely-taken lessons from bible, this is the best parenting book i've found. i just can't say enough to recommend this book. you might want to just take a (free) peek. there's also a (greatly comprehensive) list of character traits in the back, and even if you don't share the value of every last one of them, i'm sure that the vast majority of them will resonate with your heart. i just love that this book gives us the opportunity to reflect on the character traits we'd like to instill in our kids, with really nice "equipment" to do it. so many times i can get swept away in the minutia of life as a mommy, the laundry, the dishes, the wiping of noses and un-mentionables, and constant requests to "please clean up your stuff!", etc and yet one of my top hopes, as a parent, is that i will NOT arrive at their graduation ceremony and say "oh, wow, i never even THOUGHT about how we might encourage her to x..y...z." the moments together of today are all we have, and i think we must be so intentional (regardless of the incredible variety in our paths & choices as parents) about the depth to which we can equip our kids well for life. the days can (sometimes) last forever, but the years go by in a blink!

this role of mama is an incredible privilege & indescribable treasure that some days i STILL can't believe i've been given, to help lead three beautiful souls toward adulthood and all along the way, lovingly encourage and nudge my babies toward soaring (through falls and fails) out of the nest!

•••
sorry to have gone on so long about all this...i have a moderate migraine and blogging is sometimes the greatest of distractions, but in this state i am not as able to communicate quite as concisely as i'd like and am prone to ramble...(who am i kidding? like that's unusual...) so thanks a ton for sticking it out!!

for what it's worth, i got inspired to write this while in the midst of reading I will Carry You --an incredible story of the loss of her baby audrey & her reflections of motherhood, faith, grief and hope that came along with that journey, by Angie Smith. i decided to check in on her blog at some point (i've been there before--she's a delightful mama!) and came across a fun post about how they are using charlotte's ideas in school too! she invited her readers (there are like a ka-trillion) to add their school ideas too and i just couldn't resist joining the fun. :)

zooooooooooooooooom

2010-08-02T22:24:00.013-05:00

and there july went.
wow.
what a month.

as it began, we played mini-golf with great grandma and a berry-bringing, story-telling uncle...

SUCH a gift it is to have time, especially between those fresh-new to the world and those whose souls are worn from the work of a life's walk...

then it was on to fireworks & black swans, and a jaunt to the airport to retrieve our precious texan aunt. on our way home, we dropped off dough and prayer posters at the global orphan project, an adventure that quickly became one of the highlights of said aunt's trip (more on that later). then she and i headed eastward for a great girls gathering. while we were gone, our always-friendly-helpful father-of-five neighbor man went missing. we are so very very thankful that he has returned home, after almost 3 weeks gone, and is doing well. in the meantime, amid waiting, wondering, hoping, praying, bringing muffins... our family's summer kept right on bull-dozing through the month with 3 full weekends in iowa, celebrating our matriarch's 90th, driving a few hours to one wedding, hosting a jungle of a baby shower, one full week of vbs back at home catapulting into a week at family camp back in iowa, a weekend on the lake with more fun relations, and a partridge in a pear tree. whoosh........ oh, and i became licensed to teach simply music, doing the vast majority of my online training also in july somewhere between the laundry that i surely didn't keep up on, and the creative cooking that we all know was only in my dreams.

so there has NOT been a lot of open space in my mind lately, clearly.
though i was CERTAIN that i had blogged about our glorious global orphan office visit, but i must've dreamed it.

it was so. incredibly. cool. we got to meet several more of the global orphan folks who do tons of leg work and hug work with and for the kids. my kids got their picture taken (which went on the GO blog here!) with Trace and Adrien holding the prayer-love-hope banners that we made at our event on June 19th. Adrien took the banners to Haiti the VERY next day, and delivered them to the children that weekend! then a gal who was on that trip contacted us and sent this picture of the kids with the banners we made. she said they used them to help the kids learn more English words... just look at all those cute little croc feet! (you can click on the pic to zoom)

hopeful. hearts. HUGE joy to be a little bitty part of it!

hope extravaganza

2010-06-21T05:51:00.026-05:00

weekend (& beyond) - our Neva's idea from months and months ago blossomed beautiful, into one of those start-small adventures that takes on a life of its own. maybe just a little tiny bit like loaves & fishes...here we continue counting a multitude of blessings, #180-195

opportunity to love, serve, give...to kids in Haiti with the global orphan project

grand & generous friends, family, & perfect strangers giving freely of auction items, time, gumption, cookies, music, love coming in from...AZ to TX to MN to IA to IL to MO to KS

perfect stranger: perfect gift to go BIG for the small (this is just one of many stories of love we've experienced along the way: we shared a flyer at a local coffeehouse one day, and the next morning i got a message from a 19-year-old who had seen the flyer with her friends later on that night. they decided they really wanted to be part of the journey too, and they pooled their money to offer a $50 gift card from the coffeehouse for our auction!!)

grandparents, aunts & uncles -- helping in every way imaginable (and beyond!) ...

terrific tech team taking stellar care of us sound, lights, & screen

kaw prairie family ~ God's huge overflowing blessing in our lives...again & again & again

enthusiastic emcee energy (epicenter of awesomeness)

girls for Jesus, young and younger

girls dancing, boys batting, sweet toddler singing "tomorrow," magic, jokes, goofy kids--goofy skits, baby boys in bows

combined christmas, birthday, kitchen-corner-jar, garage & homeschool stuff sales money totaling over $1700 on June 18

amazing auction, donations, CDs sold, refreshment money totaling more than $3600 by 5 pm on June 19

heart-pounding, jaw-dropping realization that we have rushed not a few tens but a few hundred dollars beyond our $5000 goal, by 6 pm on June 19 [Funds gathered beyond $5000 will become the beginning of our next Global Orphan Project!]

djembe delight & the solid rhythm of kids helping kids helping kids...

huge joy of knowing we WILL be building a home for 10 kids in Haiti, completing a village that Isabelle started, much sooner than later

joy of giving thanks & praise to God, who has been working through hundreds of people, surrounding us with encouragement, support, laughter & chances to trust, step out, & speak up!!!

• • • • •
speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves...defend the rights of the poor and needy. proverbs 31: 8,9

~am having a little trouble with uploading & adjusting my photos, for some reason...will keep trying. oh! and if you happen to be reading this and you too have photos from the event, please would you mind sharing them with us? many thanks~

hope.

2010-06-02T07:35:00.001-05:00

The Joy Of Children from The Global Orphan Project on Vimeo.

rowan the rocker

2010-06-02T00:28:00.004-05:00

everybody needs a little open space to be a rock star once in a while...

never underestimate the value of making a joyful noise in praise!

free hole in our gospel download!

2010-05-29T07:54:00.008-05:00

the book the hole in our gospel, by richard stearns, is free this month to download at christianaudio.com. this is the book that has impacted my heart in a HUGE way, for over a year now. only 2 more days to download it free! ug....i meant to share this at the BEGINNING of the month. ah, the best laid plans.

remembering sacrifices given for the love of others...
with this book, with this weekend.

costa rica - blessing extravaganza!

2010-05-03T08:59:00.007-05:00

here's a few highlights of our amazing trip to costa rica...waaay back in february!

packing minds full of learning...
packing optimism that we'll remember it...
and packing translator books...

airplane anticipation

finding an awesome loft watch spot in the denver airport
baby sleeping all thru the red-eye

driver ready, waiting, english-speaking, and in great humor at 6:42 am,
safe passage over many hours of two-lane pedestrian-filled "highways"

open air tropical garden gallo pinto breakfast bonanza

beautiful 3-bedroom, 3-porch, 1-hammock nest for a week
pink tile

mango-pit throwing monkey welcoming committeehowler monkeys' 4am fascinating, though disturbing-sounding song

super duper sloth sightings

ocean-within-walking distance & glorious rainforest national park nearby...jungle waterfall

spunky bribri woman showing chocolate-making process with big gestures & big smiles

brilliant & bold poison dart frog guest

smashing surf, super sand

en route to snorkel in the sea!

bring-your-own-alligator

rice & beans & mango & bananas-fresh-from-the-tree

new perspective

a walk in the rainforest

vivacious volcano

ancient future

skytram
spytram

toucan-in-a-tree

terrific travels with tia & tio

oops-a-daisy...a paci dropped in the rainforest(!) ...rescuable, thankfully

green jungle garden joy

time & space to read, relax, ponder the incredible...

time & space to live, laugh, love...so grateful

butterfly, we fly away...

triple delight

2010-03-05T14:26:00.004-06:00

i have a list of wish-i-had-time-to-write-about-it thoughts that's almost as long as the list of my wish-i-had-time-to-clean-it-now tasks...

but one of these days i'll make a little more progress, and that's the important thing, right?

well, these three darlings met in person just a few weeks ago, but i think they've been soul-sisters for longer than i'll know. my friend kelly (mama to isabelle, on the left) wrote about their visit on her blog, and i don't think i could have said it better myself. so if you want to find out the who/why/what of this triple decker trio, click here!

• • •

might there be an open space in your heart this week for an extraordinary friendship to blossom?

npr

2010-02-01T08:28:00.004-06:00

grabbed me.

last weekend the two blogs i have been furiously following since Haiti's quake were both mentioned in an npr report. i know haiti's not that big a country, but in the huge city of PAP there are many many orphanages! it was amazing to see/hear these two together here in the story...they are both doing phenomenal work, as i'm sure many are in these days, weeks, months to come...

grateful

2010-02-01T06:36:00.000-06:00

stacking a few more on my list toward a thousand thanks...

25 things: #94 to #119

being a dinner guest

rice sock, scrumptious coziness under covers for cold night's cold feet

HUG: the (mostly) one-word story of Bobo and his simple search for mommy

baby who can say Bobo

quiet sunday snoozes

siblings self-sequestered in sweet secret

suppertime: lighter, night by night

lessons learned only later

guests over for lunch

window for the Word to gift my weary soul

seeking, finding--grace, love, tender heart, tender time

giving joyfully

big kids' thrilled gasp at turn in read-aloud plot

stories of real life humble heroes, helping in haiti

kids helping kids in haiti from home & heart

baby's piano posture: points...sits at bench...gently taps keys...eagerly gestures to sheet music, taps spot next to self: mommy, won't you sit with me?

when hurried mommy-self stops, sits...really looks, listens...and smiles

dave ramsey's kid-commission inspiration & motivation

robins out today

that she forgave & hugged so easily when i was the cause of melted projects

dry erase boards, markers, lists

the wonder of a big box of smooth stones for boys

delight of a live orchestra & joyful voices lifted

a (sneaked in slight secret) spoonful of homemade carmel...or 2

pleased-as-punch peekaboo!

goodnight kisses

2010-01-18T05:23:00.001-06:00

sometimes at mealtime, playtime, bedtime, or anytime (admittedly, not USUALLY in the midst of a pile of cereal), i just get an urge to cover my sweet baby boy (and bigger boy, and biggest girl) with kisses of thankfulness to God that i get to be his (their) mommy for a while, and by a "while," i mean of course the expected, hoped-for, lifetime-of-years that is the smidgen, whisper, flash of approximately one century, in the realm of all people and places and spaces that have ever been. [for any parent who experiences life with their child as a literal whisper of few moments, few days, few years...oh, heart's incredible break; grief therein is most certainly enormous & unfathomable]

i wonder: what if they had been born of me in another place, another space, another time---one where we did NOT have abundance of food, water, opportunity... to imagine them as needing someone to love them, not having parents at all... it's just about too much to conceive.

so of course the video i am linking you to in the next paragraph (aside from the knowledge of the poverty they are living in, there is nothing graphic here, it's all love!) tugs at my heart, and maybe yours too-- we MUST pray that we can see with our hearts and minds and eyes, that these precious ones are OUR babies too; their mothers and fathers--our sisters and brothers... because they ARE. we must not forget the vulnerable, troubled ones of the world, especially the littlest ones, especially the ones in Haiti now.

here is the girl i mentioned earlier, simply saying goodnight to the sweet babies she helps care for in Haiti. see how she treasures them, and how they respond to being a treasure (click to see the video here)!

if you want to visit rhyan's blog & daily journal of caring for the children in the aftermath, click here.

what happened in haiti...

2010-01-16T16:27:00.003-06:00

what if you or i woke up tomorrow morning in the poorest country in our hemisphere? what if it was our neighborhood where the earth quaked...

i posted some of this on facebook, but am also putting it here. i have had so many emotions, so many thoughts over the last few days, and yet so little to say, in a way, too.

i have been checking updates from the global orphan project, perspectives from new friend Kelly (Isabelle's mom), and updates from a random discovery of a young woman from Minnesota who was volunteering at an orphanage near PAP when it happenened; her blog is here.

i have seen images, as i'm sure you have too, and the whole thing is just so horrifically unimaginably, heartbreakingly sad. i pray for the people who've been injured; for the people who've begun to cry rivers of tears of hurt-heart-devastation of losing loved ones; for family friend of friends of ours, who've lost their 8-year-old; for a cousin whose friend died there, and i pray for those who are still looking, still...looking...

words fail. we see more images: a whisper of hope-help... kind doctor and nurse hands bandage, tears are wiped, arms embrace, and hopefully a rush of love in the form of aid is slowly trickling into the lives of as many haitians as possible.

i am thankful for the gift of a God who does. not. aim to cause pain, who does not aim to destroy, but who is Inventor and Author of healing, reconciliation, new life, and above all things, love. i humbly hope: may we be Love to a few who hurt in haiti?

WHAT IF a few...hundred...thousand of us cleared the dresser/nightstand/car of all our spare change (or more) and sent it to haiti? one of our family's favorite groups is global orphan project- they have done a phenomenal job caring for hundreds of children in haiti for years now, and they are already in the trenches of helping haitians in the aftermath...check it out here- theglobalorphanproject.org (or send to whomever you trust). quick. now. before you get distracted with mundane details!!!!

heavy

2009-12-09T22:19:00.000-06:00

oh, heavy heart, aching heart
for there are those whose lives ache for a breath of hope

today i walked into a pharmacy and got inoculated against a disease that probably would not have killed me or even made me suffer too mightily...

but there are those who have exactly NO protection or prevention
against daily exposure to scores of sicknesses i have never even seen a real glimpse of

today i stirred together a handful of abundance from my cupboard, baked enough sweetness to share with dozens...

but there are those whose bellies struggle, yearn, stretch, for days, even weeks of hunger ache

tonight i hugged and kissed my three abundantly lively delights, tucked in cozy covers...
but there are those wee ones who know not the sight, sound, or touch of the love of a mama

here's honest heart's cry-
there are those whom i would rather not think about now, especially now ~ interrupting this season of joy, with despair

but the whisper of Spirit calls out
~ now is the time (always the time) to gather hearts, hurts, hope. gather for hope...weary ones

tonight i read of a twenty-one-year-old embodiment of Living Love, actually living in Uganda, wise-beyond-her-years adoptive mama to 14, yes 14 sweet girls.

tonight i read of one family who truly joys around their own fireplace, in trading the truly grand delight of the gifting of packages to each other for the soul-joy of eagerly journeying the last weeks of advent, to give only outwardly instead

tonight i read the words of one mama whose family simply wanted to offer a gift to orphaned children

• • •

and once again heart is
heavy

but with

the weight

of

hope.

there are those whose lives seem irrevocably given up -
to the cause. of. Hope.
dear god, let mine be one of them.

~ ~ ~

• a simple place to consider a breath of fresh air for the season...watch and breathe deep. advent conspiracy: give presence.

weekend wonder

2009-11-11T06:20:00.000-06:00

a few headlines from our wonderful whirlwind weekend:

thursday...i got an e-newsletter in which her name was mentioned & caught my eye just as it had caught the eye of abc news!
friday...found her blog and the global orphan website
saturday...realized they had a big event *go big for the small* going on THE VERY NEXT DAY; and our jar-saving-to-give-something-special had a bit over $100 (just enough for a ticket for my girl and i) in it...so we signed up!! --for this cocktail-party-fundraiser we felt a bit like country bumpkins :)
sunday...we met, chatted with, and even got a picture with 8-year-old isabelle and her art! ~ here's another name to add to our hero list! ~

••• rewind...

lately everywhere i look/read/go, it seems, there is evidence of so much brokenness, so much need, so much devastation and suffering among the people of the world. here in our country, of course, but much more vastly in the rest of the (most especially underdeveloped) world.

* Did you know there are 147 million children worldwide who have lost one or both parents?
* Every 14 seconds an AIDS death leaves another child orphaned.
* Approximately 88 million orphans live in Asia.
* Approximately 45 million orphans live in Africa.
* Approximately 14 million orphans live in Latin America & the Caribbean.
* Approximately 1 million children live in public care in Central and Eastern Europe
* More than 800,000 children pass through America’s foster care system each year.

These statistics (from 147millionorphans.com) do not even include the UNKNOWN children living orphaned both here and abroad that go uncounted, unnoticed and unloved.

~~~

it is SO very easy to slip into a suburbanite coma about it and become overwhelmed and discouraged with the despair of it all...

but it's not about the guilt or despair that these statistics induce. it's about the gift...the gift that an idea from a small one that grows big enough to move mountains of love. whole-wide-world sized problems with a god-sized solution.

for the past couple of years, my own little 8 year old has had an ongoing brainstorming list of "what can i do...." to help many of these people we read about [near and far] who have struggles beyond a depth we can fathom.

and just a few weeks ago, after she expressed discouragement that none of her ideas "work" i suggested we just pick one & give it whirl. so she decided a talent show would be fun- anyone could perform, anyone could come, anyone could donate and we all could learn more about how to do a little something for others.

••• fast forward to this past weekend, as mentioned above. well, we have found a kindred spirit in sweet isabelle. and many huge hearts working with big love, bit by bit to serve children in haiti through the global orphan project.

oh, that all of our hearts would lean like a child's, into the vast possibilities of hope: vast opportunities of giving life and love. now.

it's a small world

2009-10-31T07:18:00.001-05:00

Things that make you go hmmm...

My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. 1 John 3:18-20 The Message

christmas knot

2009-10-23T06:59:00.000-05:00

i'm getting that old familiar feeling again; it's that time of year when thoughts of the approaching holidays bring the christmas knot in-my-stomach. with tons of hopes & dreams to simplify, make it more meaningful, yada yada yada, i feel optimistic once again, but yet there is that knawing knot of angst telling me HURRYUPABOUTITALREADY, or (in the flavor of Eeyore) it-probably-wont-make-a-difference-anyway-just-toooooo-overwhelming ~big sad donkey sigh~.

the book unplug the christmas machine was truly inspiring the year i found and read it.

but this morning i found a much briefer and probably more practical-to-implement (because of its brevity) list of ideas to uplug the big kahuna that can sometimes disguise itself as christmas. here it is: yahooooo! click me! it is a simple but very wise post on simplemom.net, but it is great stuff for dads, sassy single folks, grandparents, or anybody! the author of this site, tsh (that's really her name) has a plethura of fantastic yet simple-&-implementable info on her site for all of life (again, great for moms or anybody).

plan for your family to give to the community. i like that. thoughtful planning now to create more open spaces in christmas later. and who doesn't want to open us space in their christmas/holiday season for more quiet snuggly reading time, smiles & deeper conversations, a chance to meet and share with somebody new, give a gift in honor of starting something new, or help with a bit of hope. did you know that with $25 you can give $350 worth of necessities to a child in need, right here in the US? and of course our giving dollars can go far across the ocean as well.

but i have only scratched the surface of these neat ideas listed on the post i mentioned. see for yourself--helping your family & friends give to the community this holiday season is a much easier-to-meet goal than it seems.

oh! and definitely don't miss the 10 clutter-free gift ideas for kids post, which (also) has a link at the bottom of the post i mentioned above. this is another real gem, whether you have any kids on your christmas list, or you're just a kid at heart.

so i hope you might feel encouraged to uplug (at least a little of) the christmas machine or untie the knot of christmas angst...to make room for a bit more holly jolly and a little more time for love, laughter, and light in your life!

thanksgiving

2009-10-20T09:01:00.000-05:00

giving thanks is such a lift to a life.
on the heels of a multitude monday, here i am at a thanks-giving tuesday.

inspired by ann voskamp's blog for many moons now, i am stepping up to count my blessings. ann writes with amazing grace, art, faith and a joy of immeasurable depth. she gently challenges every reader-soul to start small, start simple, but start remembering & revealing the reasons for blessing in whatever season of life i may find myself. can i keep up the count til it tops a thousand? i certainly hope so. here goes...

1. mud pies on a warm october afternoon- the sun hits those bare feet just right, brother smiles at sister, sister encourages brother...they make pinch pots of mud and lay them expectantly, hoping they "bake" in sun's oven.

2. surprise hugs from bambinos big & small

3. funnel cake powdered sugar face (click on the photo to look more closely)

4. quiet time to read

5. a day with no deadline to be anywhere on time

6. knowing look from a soulmate

7. i whisper, he whispers--sweet baby's breath in language i understand only as love
i sing, he sings, tender toddler voice lifting in joy on my cheek

8. she climbs into my lap almost daily, all 8-and-a-half years of her, still wanting me so near while of course so eager to dive into life & grow up

9. 5-year-old exuberant joy, big boy, riding strong on new (to us) bike, training wheels and all

10. whole, healthy bodies

11. cutout cookies

12. gatherings with friends and family

13. dear doggie, always eager to wag/wave a nudge of love, trust, hope-so-simple (just to have your hand pet me, your voice praise me)

14. smell of smores and campfire (and memories of them!)

15. creative flow of ideas to help others from dear daughter's pencil, page & imagination

16. joy of watching middle one "take off" reading on his own, independent flight

17. toddler waddle

18. chubby little fingers eager to learn signs for please, thank you & sounds of "cookie," "meow"

19. kind doctors and quick fixes

20. warm fall afternoons

21. still remembering family camp: new friends, a deep breath, pause, out of caught-up-in-us lives, a chance to remember the much bigger Love that gives Life

22. crunchy path

23. so many new ways to give, share, help, hope

Ann writes very artfully, thoughtfully & honestly about many things, including motherhood, loving a farmer & farm-life, homeschooling & living a life of faith. Click on the button below to find her blog.

seeing, seeking...hope

2009-10-19T22:20:00.000-05:00

i continue to be haunted by the book the hole in our gospel by richard stearns. though i have never been to africa, sara's song and video resonate with me, this living in the tension of knowing so many are suffering, and needing... while we who are "average" americans are (sometimes) near drowning in our excess.

last friday was world food day...(big, overwhelmed, sad sigh--) why isn't every day a day when we could be reminded of great need, inspired to share more?

i would love to someday go on a mission trip. but for as many people as go on a trip (and i am extremely grateful to those who do) there are thousands of "the rest of us" who are just doing life, wondering if we could really make much of an impact on lives of those in great need (far and near) from where we're sitting: smack dab in the middle of an ordinary day, week, year. when eyes open beyond an ordinary sight, it is evident that so many are working tirelessly yet enthusiastically to know, grow, serve & share. maybe it begins with a food drive at the office, or a day to serve in the city with church friends, or a small child with a simple idea of how to love huge.

perhaps you might join the conversation of how to answer that if question with a resounding yes? yes!...

~ ~ ~

thank you, God, for the gift of hope. let me be a still small whisper of it, a whisper that finds company of many others, a whisper that overflows into a roar.

mamas, globes, and geography

2009-10-16T14:17:00.000-05:00

The following post was on my old (very short-lived) blog but thought I might re-print it here, in thoughts of sisters and brothers all across the globe who are hungry today, especially with today being World Food Day. Might you take this moment, this day, to ponder with me?

~ i think of her today. at intervals often and intense. i ponder and prepare yet another meal, yet another mess, and my heart is more than a bit complaining-ish about it, often and intense. the laundry has piled up again, overwhelming and even angering me at times. then she comes to mind. fellow mother, sister, across the table of the globe. with hopes and fears for her family not unlike mine. skin a different tone, and she sings a different tune to her babies at bedtime. but she is wondering, hoping, desperately longing for something more, for something at all, to put in her children’s bellies tonight. she is not bothered by the mess of things, thinks little of it. she is consumed by the search, the endless emptiness of nourishment not near. my heart, humbled, prays for her- yet my prayer feels empty if not flowing with a seed of hope.

i spy my jovial ambling toddler, hear his yet-unintelligible but ever-sincere babblings: urging and exclaiming, and simply delighted with life. perhaps it’s the grass, or the doggie, or the sight of my knee that prompts his giggle. i don’t know, but i am increasingly grateful for his prompting of my heart’s turn toward gratitude.

what whispers of joy does she see in her child’s face? is hope drowned out by hunger, faith smacked down by fear? i cannot help but ponder the fact of geography. how the color and texture of my joys and frustrations are largely painted by the continent, country i was born in. how hers are too. what if it were she, wondering, pondering, praying for me, across the globe; from where waters run plentiful, clean, and carefree, to where waters are sought six hours a day, and bringing them home means quenching of thirst and washing of skin but likely an ugly, relentless disease as well.

dear God, you know her in every corner of the world, wherever she is. please stir my heart not to forget her...to keep trying to find ways of giving from what i have (too much) to buffer a little of what she has (not enough).

birth and breath

2009-08-23T21:44:00.000-05:00

days can last for years
years go like minutes

my heart is humbly thankful
for yet another candle’s warmth
another walk around the sun
on sparkling snow, on grassy green path
another season of grace and growth
like the others
yet all its own

the mess which is me
distracted, forgetful,
hypocritical, judgemental, selfish, angry, impatient
home-keeping that's so far from magazine-worthy

it's reality-show-worthy :)
--um, no thanks
my mess and duress
i'll keep off camera--
i'll take instead
a real life honest
conversation across the kitchen table
not a distant decide-about-each-other without
wondering together

Your love, God, lifting me, opening my heart
to see things i didn't
know things i wouldn't
love in a way i couldn't

creating open spaces
with Your grace, Your art
in home, and
heart

let me linger in Your love
in your holy
Spirit giving love
living love

i breathe a grateful breath.